I wish, I wish

My daughter asked me what my Christmas wish was. I answered, "My wish is that you never know hunger, never know homelessness, never feel hopeless." I wish that she grows up loving herself, and never compromises for anyone. I wish that she grows up strong and sure of herself. I wish that she always feels loved and always feels that she can always come home. My wish, is for her to be a child and to enjoy her childhood. My wish is for her to not grow up before she has too. I want my daughter to look back on her childhood and remember happy  things. She is my mirror.

No, I do not know Tom from Toronto, though I'm sure he is very nice.

h good God. Yes, Canada has a military, you sarcastic ass. Just because we don't over compensate by having enough nuclear weapons to over kill the world 28 times, doesn't mean we can't defend our borders or our allies. Who was one of the FIRST countries to support the U.S. in their war on Terrorism and send troops into Afghanistan and Iraq? The Canadians. So don't go off about the Canadian Military. We have one, we use it, and you should be fucking thankful. Arrogant American Asses. I'm so tired of Americans thinking that their way is the only way. The only safe thing about living next to the States is that they wouldn't risk setting off a nuclear weapon in their own back yard. That being said... They think their military is so all powerful, when in fact, it isn't, it's just more technologically advanced then others. The Chinese military out numbers them .. what.. 10 to 1? I'm really tired of Americans joking about the Canadian military. We're their ally, and act as such, so why don't they behave as such? Oh right, because they're Americans, King Shit of Turd Alley. <breathes> I know right now it sounds like I hate Americans, but I don't. I just don't like certain individuals who are of the mindset that Canada is a backward nation. We do not have snow year round, we do not live in igloos, and we do have a Military.

There is no easy way out.

One of the hardest things about being a single parent is making the decision about work. Do I take more hours to make more money to make ends meet, which would mean less time with my kid, or do I decline the extra hours, tighten the budget and spend one more night a week with my kid? You think it would be an easy decision.. it's not. The worst part is, I have to make this decision by myself. There is no one I can turn to for advice on this. Its a dilemma, and all sides need to be considered before I make my choice.. I want to make the best choice for my kid.. Welcome to another lonely stressful night of agonizing decision making. My biggest wishes are for my kid to grow up happy and healthy, and to pay the phone bill, the cable bill and the electric bill all in the same month. Such simple things.. why do they seem so in-achievable?

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

I don't like being 26. By age 26, I'm supposed to have this figured out. I'm supposed to have a degree, a house, a car, a husband ( according to some people), a career. I'm supposed to have a direction, and be a reliable member of society. Well, I thought I had it all figured out, and I thought I was well on my way to having all that and more. Turns out, I was on the wrong track. Wrong place, Wrong Time, and all that Jazz. Now here I am, a single mother who works part time. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but with a kid in school, working nights is hard to balance. I miss my kid, and it's hard on her. I have a decent apartment. It's nothing special, but it's all I can afford. I have a high school diploma, and a year of university behind me. I'd have continued university, but I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and I still don't. I lack direction. I'm lost. I'm not giving up, I'm just stalled.

Don't jump the gun.

Well, I survived my birthday. Now I'm facing a new dilemma.. Christmas.. Don't get me wrong, I love the Christmas season, however, It shouldn't start until December 1st. There is no sane reason for store to bring out the Christmas stock before Halloween is even finished. December 1st I start decorating, but my tree doesn't go up until December 18th. If you have all your decorations up in November, what the heck are you going to do in December? The Christmas season should be cherished, and treasured, not drawn out and stretched thin. It is supposed to be a magical time of year, not a tax quarterly. I remember going to the mountains with my family to a tree farm to get our tree. It was a whole weekend affair. The whole family getting together, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins all of us climbing in the mountains, sledding, hot chocolate, cross country skiing, picking trees, cutting them down, snow falling in big fluffy flakes.. EVERYTHING smelling crisp and fresh... It's one of my strongest memories. It was never about gifts, it was always about family. Christmas dinner was a three day affair steeped in tradition. Day before Christmas Eve, there was wood to be chopped and stock piled, the pit to be dig, the suckling pig to be prepped, soups to be started, and bread to be baked. Then Christmas Eve day, fasting, no meat or butter. Which was pure torture, because while we are abstaining from meat, the pig is being roasted over a fire on a giant spit. Everyone had to take their turn turning the spit and basting the pig. The smell almost drove you crazy. Christmas Eve was a 12 course meal of bean soup, seafood, bread and veggies, with each course having a special meaning, prayer and tradition.. then Midnight Mass. Once everyone came home from Mass, we could have meat and butter again, so there was a midnight supper of roasted pig. Then to bed, Christmas Morning involved baked crepes called Polechika, with more of the roast pig, presents, and prepping the Tradition dinner.. While the turkey roasted, back to Mass, then home to finish dinner. By the time we reach Boxing Day, there are enough left overs to feed the entire family for a week. Everyone helps, and every takes home left overs. Christmas was about traditions and family. The way it should be.

i've seen all the classics, i know every line..

so, i turn 26 today.. and i hate it. at 26 a person should know what they are going to do with their lives, and have a pretty decent head start on it.. well i have no idea. not a single one. all i can think about right now is everything that has happened in the last year.. and think of all the colossal fuck ups i've made.. yup, gonna be a fun birthday.