Gathering Roses

I'm having one of those nights where I sit and think about everything that is depressing about my life and my choices. I'm a sad, bitter, angry, lonely person, and I can only blame myself. It is one of those nights when I feel as though I am not capable of feeling love. I feel.. broken.. hollow. Yes I have a daughter, and I feel for her what every parent feels for their off spring.. the love I'm talking about refers is the one that a person should feel in other relationships.. I'm so messed up.. Have I ever loved anyone? I don't know.. I've thought it was love.. but I don't know. Am I broken? Is there some part of me that is just not? I lived with a guy for 5 years.. and he gave me my daughter.. did I love him? I honestly don't know.. I said I did.. I thought I did.. but I don't think we were together long enough to know if it was love or not.. I just.. Every relationship I have been in.. I feel I was pushed to say "I love you." I felt pressured to say it, to "feel" it.. now I look back and I ask myself.. did I really love them? So yeah.. not a good night in this brain..

Organized Chaos

I am the most un-organized person.. maybe after my mom.. So for me to meal plan an entire month.. that's huge. Am I super proud of myself? Damn straight I am! I'm lucky though.. I'm meal planning for 2, so it's not that much of a challenge. If you like a little sway in what's for dinner.. pick 6 or so recipes, and make sure you have everything on hand when you do your grocery shopping.. then.. it's super easy to go " Hey! that's look's good! Let's make that". The secret to all meal plans and busy families? The crockpot. Get to know it. Embrace it. BE BRAVE! Go online and find recipes.. Join recipe swap groups.. You should be fearless in your kitchen! If you don't try new things.. how will your kid? Be food friendly! If you're super busy.. make extra, and freeze it. Then you have things on hand to defrost for those insanely busy nights, or the nights when you honestly don't feel like cooking.. and we all have those nights.  If you really don't like new food ideas.. try something close to something you do like.. you might surprise yourself.. and Parents.. be sneaky. Grate up a couple of carrots and add it to your meatloaf.. They'll never know. We can do this people! we can take back our kitchens!  And if your guy says " a women's place is in the kitchen". Make him cook. :)

Feeling the love/hate :)

Today is Valentine's Day. Now instead of bashing or drooling, here's a fun little list.

Things we LOVE to HATE!

• Twilight. 
• Facebook
• Justin Bieber
• Nickelback
• Duck face
• Valentine's Day
• Harry Potter
• bar floozies
• movie ticket prices
• laundry 
• Men
• Women
• Crocs
• Britney Spears
• family members
• Snooki
• Jersey Shore
• Toddlers and Tiaras

Cupid Can't Aim.

So the big day is coming up. Valentine's Day. From one single to another, here's a few small helpful pointers for surviving the Lovepocalpse.

• Forget about it. It's a day. In February. Whooopee.
• Don't get desperate. Don't join dating sites and message every person you can find. Don't ask your friends to hook you up with every single friend they have. Don't randomly hit on people in public. You are not cheap, Don't play easy.
• Don't wallow. Don't sit around your place in the dark with alcohol, comfort food and cheesy "couple's" movies. 
• If you don't like PDA's... stay home. If it bother's you seeing multiple couples all cozy and lovey dovey in public, do everyone a favor... STAY HOME.
• Avoid the bars and liquor stores. These are desperate people haunts. You're better than that.

Have some PRIDE people!! Just because you are single, doesn't mean you have no self worth, that you are not worthy of love. It just means you haven't found your compatible partner yet. So take a deep breath, look in the mirror, say "I love you", and carry on.

123456 SWITCH!

Ok, So I've been busy.. Busy doing what? Um.. Everything and yet nothing. I seriously live the most singular boring life. It is a never ending stream of blah blah blah blah.... I'm the proverbial goldfish.. "oh look a castle!!" <swim swim swim> "OHHHH a plant!!" <swim swim swim> "oh look a castle!!" <swim swim swim> "OHHHH a plant!!" <swim swim swim> The biggest news in my life is the theatre I work at is finally going digital.. This theatre was reopened in 1944, and was last renovated in the early 80's. We needed this. It's going to make my easy job slightly easier, but I'm willing to accept that. <hugs smiles> On a more personal note,  At this point, vanilla is exciting for me. It has been... almost 9 months of a dry spell.. and the saddest part? The last relationship put me so far off of sex that I honestly don't miss it. What I do miss is the friendship.. the hanging out.. watching bad movies with someone who shares my twisted sense of humor.. waking up next to someone.. I miss talking about random crap until the sun comes up, and then us both bitching about how tired we are for the entire day. I miss my friend. I don't miss the mind games, the possessiveness, the clingyness. I like not being held accountable for EVERY MINUTE of my life every day. I like my phone not going off every 5 seconds. I like being able to not talk for hours and not being pestered about "what's wrong". Hell, I love the freedom. Was my ex an insecure control freak? Oh hell to the fuck yes. I finally unblocked him on Facebook.. and every time I see his picture, I feel like throwing up. So at this point, I'm not sure if it's therapy or torture. However, I'm tired of running from my mistakes. Did I make a mistake? Not the one people think I made. My last realtionship never should have ever happened. Do I blame social media? No. I blame myself. If I had made more of an effort on the relationship I was in, I never would have fallen for such a lame brain act. But, mistakes are our learning curve.. and mine is a doozy.. or a cliff. But once I jumped off that cliff, my God I felt better when I hit the bottom. :) So here's to the next learning curve and the next cliff. :)